9 Tips: How to write your personal wedding vows

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It is not easy to find the good words and to write your personal wedding vows. So here a few tips to help you start filling this blank page in front of you with what you actually want to say. So let’s get started!

1. The “No rule-Rule”!

Most importantly: There are no strict rules for writing your personal wedding vows! You can write whatever YOU want to say and whatever is important to YOU in whatever way YOU want!

2. Start with brainstorming!

But I know: Sometimes too much freedom just feels overwhelming! So what you could do as a first step is simply brainstorming: Think about your love story, what defines you as a couple, what you love about each other, what you learned and experienced together and so on. And by thinking about that just write down whatever words, ideas, phrases, feelings, impressions pass through your mind. It doesn’t matter if it sounds good or bad, “too cheesy” or “not original enough”! Try not to judge but just write it all down! No need to have a structure, beginning or end or write full sentences at first. This brainstorming is just meant to help you: Find out what you roughly want to say and get the first words down on paper – after that everything will feel already a lot easier!

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3. Take notes anytime!

Always have a notebook/ your phone ready so that you can take notes whenever and wherever something comes to your mind and you get some ideas. Because sometimes the best ideas don’t show up when you sit in front of your paper but when you are doing something completely different. So be always ready!

4. Get structure into the chaos!

After brainstorming and taking notes you want to get some structure into your thoughts, keywords and ideas you wrote down. To help you with that you could for example stick to the structure of the traditional vows. That means sort of listing:

  • What you love about each other (e.g.: I love your smile. I love that you always stay positive and see the good in everyone.)
  • What you are thankful for (e.g. Thank you for believing in me and having the courage to finally be with me. Thank you for loving me through every moment. Thank you for making my dreams come true.)
  • What you promise (e.g. I promise to always support your dreams and goals. I promise to be a true and loyal friend to you. I promise to love you fiercely and infinitely. I promise to nurture your dreams and help you reach them.)

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5. Be yourself!

But back to rule 1 – the “There is no rule-Rule”: You don’t have to (only) stick to this traditional structure – you are absolutely free in what and how you want to express your feelings for each other! That’s why some couples (also) incorporate other elements into their vows which express their feelings best, e.g.:

  • a poem/ reading that is meaningful to you
  • refer to something from your love story (e.g. quoting a letter/email you wrote each other long time ago, quoting the lyrics of YOUR songs/the song when you first kissed/proposed, quotes of your favorite movie,…)
  • writing your vows as a poem with rimes/ singing your vows
  • refer to something sweet or funny (e.g. nick-names or a joke you always make together)

6. Take a break!

When you finished the first draft of your vows put it aside for a few days. Then read your draft once more with a bit of distance to see if that’s really what you wanted to say. If NO: Change your vows! If YES: proceed to the next step!


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7. Practice reading your personal wedding vows!

It’s never bad to read your vows out loud a few times before your ceremony. You will probably be a little nervous and emotional on your wedding day. If you don’t elope in Paris but celebrate a wedding with many guests you will also have an audience! And even if you know all your guests, reading something in front of others is usually increasing your excitement! Practicing before helps to make you feel more confident and ready during the moment of your vow exchange.

8. Don’t be scared of your feelings!

Yes, maybe you’ll be tearing up by reading your personal wedding vows! Maybe you even start crying – or laughing! That’s all fine! You can be emotional on your wedding day – nobody is going to judge you for that! Just in contrast: many of your guests will look for tissues as well! Nobody expects you to stay cool when you read your personal wedding vows to each other! Really, your wedding day is the best day to show and share emotions!

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9. Agree on the basics!

It can also help to agree with your fiancé/e on some basics: Some couples feel better if their vows are not too different! Of course you should keep your vows secret until your big day! But you could for example compare the length or tone of your vows! Like that you avoid that one of you is talking for hours and the other one is finished in 10 seconds. Or that one of you is very serious and the other one mainly cracking jokes! But this depends on your personalities: Maybe you especially enjoy that your vows are different or that you have no clue at all what the other one will tell you and how long he/she will talk!

Vendors of these personal wedding vows ceremonies:

Photo: Pierre Torset Photographer in Paris, Phan Tien Photography, Catherine O’Hara Photography
Ceremony officiant: The Paris Officiant – Laura Montorio

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